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  Abbott and Costello
Meet Windows 95

By Author Unknown
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COSTELLOHey, Abbott!
COSTELLOI just got my first computer.
ABBOTTThat's great Lou. What did you get?
COSTELLOA Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24x CD-ROM.
ABBOTTThat's terrific, Lou.
COSTELLOBut I don't know what any of it means!!
ABBOTTYou will in time.
COSTELLOThat's exactly why I am here to see you.
COSTELLOI heard that you are a real computer expert.
ABBOTTWell, I don't know-
COSTELLOYes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
COSTELLOUh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
ABBOTTOK Lou. What do want to know?
COSTELLOI am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
ABBOTTThat's true.
COSTELLOSo, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
ABBOTTWell, first you press the Start button, and then-
COSTELLONo, I told you, I want to turn it off.
ABBOTTI know, you press the Start button-
COSTELLOWait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
ABBOTTWhen I told you to press the Start button.
COSTELLOWhy should I press the Start button?
ABBOTTTo shut off the computer.
COSTELLOI press Start to stop.
ABBOTTWell Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
COSTELLOI knew it! So what do I press?
COSTELLOStart what?
ABBOTTStart button.
COSTELLOStart button to do what?
ABBOTTShut down.
COSTELLOYou don't have to get rude!
ABBOTTNo, no, no! That's not what I meant.
COSTELLOThen say what you mean.
ABBOTTTo shut down the computer, press-
COSTELLODon't say, "Start!"
ABBOTTThen what do you want me to say?
COSTELLOLook, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
ABBOTTBut that's what you do.
COSTELLOAnd you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
ABBOTTDon't be ridiculous.
COSTELLOI'm being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
ABBOTTWhat are you talking about?
COSTELLOI am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

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This page originally posted on Saturday 08-Apr-2017

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