The Disclaimer

What a disclaimer!!!!

This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, my dog, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under severe penalty of law; hand wash only; tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, spindle, staple, or mutilate; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; message is provided "as is" without any warranties, express or implied; reader assumes full responsibility; this is an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory- -explicit lyrics: text may contain materials some readers may find objectional, parental guidance is advised; all prices are final, except final prices, which may vary; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; all sales are final; you need not be present to win; rights may vary from state to state, depending on the state you are in; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions enclosed; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, let cool 3 to 5 minutes; do not read if safety seal is broken; do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery while reading this message; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures; store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid prolonged inhalation of fumes; do not puncture or incinerate or store at temperatures above 120 degrees Farenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial flavor, color, to the text, has been added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, call a physician; possible penalty for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating locations; void where prohibited; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow six to eight weeks for delivery; your milage may vary;must be 18 or older to read; requires a trained professional, do not try this at home; void where prohibited by law; may cause drowsiness; Danger High Voltage....You can be killed!; not liable for misuse, accident, lightening, fire, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other acts of God (any god), neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation resulting from thermonuclear blasts; vibrations from sonic boom, earthquakes, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, loose nut in front of the keyboard, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the message, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, land slides, forest fire, brush fire, or projectile, which can include but are not limited to arrows, bullets, shot, cannon balls, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes knives, stones, cats, shoes, etc.; or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta, and Gamma rays; other restrictions may apply; no user servicable parts inside, however some parts may be obtained from the nearest Radio Shack (just ask); You have questions....They have blank stares...